Anonymous Blogger

China’s Tallest Building Catches Fire, Does Not Collapse

We went down to see my father for Christmas, well, for Christmas, and we wanted to see his new (second hand) dog that he acquired after Jaws, his pride and joy, died a little while back.

Nice dog, but we happened to notice the poor dog has an extremely long tongue…

Just in time for Christmas!

:>

It’s coming up to christmas, the office is a buzz with people talking about what they’re doing/getting/giving over the christmas period.

‘John’, ‘Yes?’, ‘What do you have planned for christmas?’ Nothing, absolutely nothing, I have 0 plans to see anyone, 0 plans to go anywhere, and for the people who are blessed enough to receive Christmas gifts (Mother, Father, Brother) it’s strictly ‘you tell me what you want or you get nothing’.

As a matter of fact, I do have plans for Christmas day, they always play movies about Christmas on television, the same ones as when I was a kid, that is my plan for Christmas.

Am I anti-social? or am I just the smartest person around?

When I lived at home, I did zero cooking, the only food I made was breakfast cereal, basic sandwiches, and microwavable objects, My mum stayed at home and cooked all of our meals.

Now that was quite some time ago, I’ve been living away from home for about 6 years, and I am still useless in the kitchen, in fact, the last time I went to the doctor when I was feeling sick, giving him no indication of my poor diet, he told me I was malnourished.

I can cook single things, like bacon, but when there is multiple things you need to cook in synchronization, like bacon and scrambled eggs, I end up burning one of the things and ruining the whole meal.

For the last two years, the most complicated thing I’ve been able to cook is this rice in a packet meal that you cook in the fry pan with some diced beef.

But lately, when going grocery shopping, it’s been harder and harder to find, and now, looking at the companies website who makes it, they don’t list it anymore under their products section, only the chicken version, which I have like 10 packets of, but chicken is expensive and I don’t like it as much as the beef.

I am doomed to die of malnourishment, can you recommend some recipes for retards like me?

Apart from a brief 2 year stint, I’ve smoked full time pretty much from the age of 17 onwards, I smoked ‘casually’ before then, but not really ‘full time’, So roughly 13 years of full time smoking.

I don’t like, in fact, I despise it, I am under no illusion anymore that it’s cool, or that it doesn’t kill you, people tell me ‘it’s a waste of money’, or ‘it’ll shorten your life’, ‘your going to die of cancer’, etc, and my only response to that is ‘yes, i know, your absolutely right, I agree with you 100%, etc’.

Theres just one problem, I can’t quit…

I’ve tried many times to quit smoking, I tried the chewing gun, the patches, the ‘microtabs’, the only time I successfully quit was the first time I used Zyban, which worked brilliantly (but of course I’ve tried it since then and it seems to have no effect whatsoever), that lasted about two years before someone offered me a cigarette one day and before long I was hooked again.

Roughly three years ago, I went through a stint where I was trying to give up cold turkey, I was between jobs, and it was Christmas holidays, I would barricade myself in my house alone, and lie on the couch watching television, sipping water, chewing gum, etc.

Agony, I was like a crack addict that needed a fix, there would be nothing I could do  to stop myself feeling like a cigarette, I would end up going through the bin looking for cigarette butts, or pick rotting cigarette butts out of the lawn, because I just needed that ‘little fix’, and I would tell myself, ‘I’ll just have a few puffs on this cigarette butt, and then no more!’, yeah right, eventually when I had smoked every cigarette butt in the bin etc, I would goto the store and buy a packet of smokes.

I tried that 3 or 4 times before I realized that wasn’t a viable way (for me) to quit smoking, I couldn’t try to go cold turkey during work days, I would be so angry that I was almost fired after a huge argument with my boss.

At the end of my attempts to go cold turkey, lets say, 2 years ago, I decided I would try ‘Nicabate CQ Lozenges’ and stop smoking that way, and now I have double the problems, because as of today, I’m still using Nicabate CQ lozenges.

But you might say ‘Well the lozenges must be better than smoking’, but, my good friends, I still smoke as well, despite how many cigarettes I smoke, I still *crave* for the lozenges, and vice-versa, I’m addicted to smoking, and I’m addicted to the lozenges, I crave BOTH.

If I try to go without the lozenges, I start sweating and getting feverish symptoms, and if I try to go without cigarettes, I get the usual symptoms of a smoker without a cigarette.

So pretty much for the last two years I’ve been smoking cigarettes and consuming the lozenges, and I can’t see any ability to stop either on the horizon.

Hah, I’m a fucking screw up.

Have I sucked you in to reading with the overly dramatic title?

It was fathers day here today, and my brother and I decided we would drive to the country to visit our parents, an activity that only usually happens 2 - 3 times a year.

So of course, when people are predictably going to hit the streets in their cars, the government can smell revenue money by hiding speed cameras RIGHT after the sign to slow down to a slower speed.

Now, I think it’s quite sickening that you would make policemen work on fathers day just so you can cash in on more revenue money, sure, they chose to be police people, but it’s not like they’re out solving murders, they’re just hiding trying to cash in on that random person thats doing 3+ kilometres over the limit.

And I’m not just talking about one speed camera, we saw *3* in a 30 minute period, but each time, and this is the part I love, motorists on the other side of the road flashed their high beams to alert us of the impending sneakiness.

If average law-abiding citizens deem it warranted to warn potentially non-law-abiding citizens(by speeding) it’s pretty clear that noone likes/believes your scam to make money under the guise of ’saving lives’.

I can be a little heavy footed on the accelerator sometimes, so these 3 people that flashed potentially saved me hundreds of dollars, so to that I say ’sucked in’.

By the third notification by drivers I had my brother get the camera ready so we could take a photo of them instead, unfortunately it was a speed camera and not actual cops with a handheld gun.

These photos came from a friend who lives in Baton Rouge.

This picture shows more of the destruction…

My number one hatred when going to a shopping centre is trying to navigate around slower walking people, I usually know where I’m heading and walk there as fast as possible, and want the get there without delay.

This is especially apparent when the shops are busy, I’ll be walking, in the same direction as the other patrons, and one will decide to just immediately come to a complete stop, which means I have to stop, try to navigate my way around them, and continue, but half the time, I end up trapped, for like, 10 seconds at a time, trying to find a clear path, because the person next to me is trapped, the people behind me are trapped, etc etc.

When this happens, I just feel like pushing them over and walking over them, I wish I could, really I do.

But you know, grocery stores have express lanes, So I propose the centre of the walkways in shopping centres be the ‘express lane’, inwhich anyone over 45 will be banned from walking down, and if you suddenly decide you want to stop and look at something, you must immediately step out of the express lane, slow walkers will be dealt with by random security guards with clubs, walk slow and risk being dragged out of the express lane and clubbed to death, I propose laws should be made to indemnify patrons who are forced to kill slow walkers in said express lane.

This is my artistic impression of a walkway with an express lane, with the red bit being the express lane.